Tag: community

Community: Will You Be My Friend?

This past Sunday I delivered part two of our Community series, again tackling the problem of loneliness. Today many of us have no “true” friends we can call on. Even in this day when we have hundreds and some have thousands of “friends” on social media, we still feel more lonely than ever.

We began by pondering these questions:

  • What’s the difference between a social media friend and an “in real life” friend?
  • Why do we tend to have so many social media friends and so few real life friends?
  • Can we make our social media friends just as close as our real life friends?

Robin Dunbar, an Oxford evolutionary psychologist says the average maximum number of “stable relationships people are cognitively able to maintain at once” is 150. So the range is around 100-250.

Of course these 150 relationships also have their own concentric levels of relationship. Just like in social media world, though we may have 1,000 friends, the likelihood is true that few of those are bestfriends, and even fewer what we would call, “close friends.”

Dunbar developed a circle map of our typical relationship levels to display this idea:

The image explained:

“The innermost layer of 1.5 is [the most intimate]; your romantic relationships. 

The next layer of five is your shoulders-to-cry-on friendships. 

The 15 layer includes the previous five, and your core social partners. They are our main social companions, so they provide the context for having fun times. We trust them enough to leave our children with them. 

50, is your big-weekend-barbecue people. 

The 150 layer is your weddings and funerals group who would come to your once-in-a-lifetime event.”

What really limits our friendship capacity? Time.

The truth is we have limited time, and some of us more than others. And it takes time to invest in relationships to make them meaningful. We have the responsibility of how we invest our time.

So how much time does it generally require for that acquaintance to become a best friend?

“It takes about 200 hours of investment in the space of a few months to move a stranger into being a good friend.”

Jesus and His Friends

So, if Jesus is our example then let’s look at His life from acquaintances to His closest friendships.

When Jesus first begins His ministry after being baptized by John the Baptist, He calls a few guys to “follow me.” 

These first followers are an unnamed disciple of John, Andrew, Andrew’s brother Simon Peter,  Philip, and Philip finds Nathaniel inviting Him to come along on the journey to follow the “One whom Moses spoke about.” 

So there are then 5 disciples, new acquaintances or new followers of Jesus. These 5 follow Him to the wedding at Cana of Galilee. No doubt Jesus made other acquaintances at the wedding. 

And when He leaves the text just says:

John 2:12

After the wedding he went to Capernaum for a few days with his mother, his brothers, and his disciples.

Only His original 5 followers, HIs mother, and His brothers, went with Him from the wedding.

Later on He chose two others, John and His brother, James, the sons of Zebedee. Then a little further Ha calls a few others, Matthew, another James, Thaddeus, Simon, and then Judas.

Still we are not yet told they are more than simply followers of Jesus. He doesn’t consider them disciples, until He prays about it.

Luke 6:12 tells us Jesus spent all night praying to God about who His disciples were to be. And the next day He called the 12 by name to be His disciples.

Acquaintances

Along the way, though, Jesus had others begin to follow Him. Shortly before His time in prayer was when He and His followers were walking through the grain fields plucking heads of grain that outraged the Pharisees. Remember we figured out that Jesus either had Pharisees following Him at the time or “workers” for them, hence how they knew and then called Him out for allowing His followers to break this supposed Sabbath Law.

Luke 6:17 also speaks to Him having other followers at this time as it tells us after His choosing of His disciples…

When they came down from the mountain, the disciples stood with Jesus on a large, level area, surrounded by many of his followers and by the crowds.

Let this be a little wisdom for us, just because someone is following you, it doesn’t mean they should be your friend. 

Just because someone is following you, it doesn’t mean they should be your friend. 

So often, especially in social media world, we think we have to “friend” anyone that follows us or sends us a request. But would you do the same in real life?

The offer of friendship is an offer to do life together…especially when we look at these persons being close friends.

Have you prayed about finding/gaining friends? What if, again, we did this before accepting friend requests? Before inviting that “acquaintance” over?

Jesus’s Friends Circle

There’s honestly no great idea on how many folks followed Jesus at the various stages of His ministry. We get a number here and there of some events, such as the feeding of the five thousand, but we don’t know how His entire ministry fits into the Dunbar’s circles. 

But if I were to make a guess, I would put it something like this:

Acquaintances of course would be those fringe followers, 500 or so.

Friends might would then be 150 or so of those folks. They weren’t enemies and maybe He and they had some light conversation from time to time.

The next circle is the 50. What Dunbar would call “Good Friends.” This is the group you might have a barbecue with remember? 

The 72

Later in Jesus’s time, He sends out “72 disciples” to do ministry in the surrounding towns and places He had planned to visit.

Luke 10:1

The Lord now chose seventy-two other disciples and sent them ahead in pairs to all the towns and places he planned to visit.

For Jesus, these may have been good friends because there is no doubt He would only send those whom He could trust to do the works He needed them to do.

These would have not only been doing miraculous works, but in whose name they were doing them is what mattered. He sent them to the places He’d planned to go, in other words, they were going and making a name further for Him preparing the fields for harvest.

They were on Team Jesus!

Don’t you want others on your team? Friends that can help you get to where you desire to go in life? Friends that though you may not be the closest, they’ll speak a good word for you. They can be relied upon from time to time to lend you a hand. 

These are the ones I’d say we hope to have in community with us. A village of people that we can rely on and depend upon in times of need. They may not all be those you’d share every secret with, but they might be those you’d call to lend something to you. They may be close enough for you to know if they went missing, and you’d need to call and check up on from time to time, and know they’d do the same for you.

No Longer Servants

There is a time when our relationships change, it grows deeper, and usually that may be after an experience you have together. Jesus marks such a time with His 12 disciples…those that had no doubt been with Him the most time and experienced the most ministry alongside Him.

John 15:15

I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. 

These are people He can trust with all His Words.

How does it feel to have someone whom you may not have been extremely tight with in your eyes, tell you, “hey, thanks for being a good friend.”

I believe that is what we see here. Maybe the disciples had only seen their roles with Jesus as fellow workers, slaves, as they sought to learn from Him as their Master and Teacher. But then Jesus tells them, “You are not my slaves, or my pupils, but you are my friends.”

They may have already been in Jesus’s “best friend” zone, but they hadn’t considered such a thing most likely. But Jesus makes it clear here, and I can only imagine how it may have touched them to hear Him say this.

Make sure that those whom you think are good friends to you know it for themselves. Share how they affect your life positively. I think it’s extremely encouraging to be told how I’ve impacted a friend’s life for good.

The Inner Circle

Still there is one more level, other than family, that we need to look at when it comes to friendships. These are your closest friends. They are as close to blood family as it gets without them being related.

These are the ones Dunbar says are, “your shoulders-to-cry-on friendships. They are the ones who will drop everything to support us when our world falls apart.”

These are truly the friendships we dream of having. And I dare say these are the ones we lack the most when we feel we are “all alone” and have “no one that understands.”

We see these displayed in Jesus’s life as well. We call them His inner circle. These are Peter, James, and John.

They were with Him for the transfiguration

Mark 9:2-4

Six days later Jesus took Peter, James, and John, and led them up a high mountain to be alone. As the men watched, Jesus’ appearance was transformed, 3 and his clothes became dazzling white, far whiter than any earthly bleach could ever make them. 4 Then Elijah and Moses appeared and began talking with Jesus.

They were the only ones invited with Him into the home of Jairus when Jesus raised Jairus’s daughter from the dead.

And they were the three that accompanied Him in the Garden of Gethsemane before His arrest and crucifixion, where He prayed for God to give another way.

These were His ride or die guys. They were there for the intimate miracles and for the worst of times for Jesus. 

We need a few relationships just like these. When we are hurting we need people we can call to come alongside us and just listen to our pain without judgment. Not people to fix our problems, but just love us through them. People that enjoy our good times and are there for our bad times, and us for them as well.

When we are hurting we need people we can call to come alongside us and just listen to our pain without judgment. Not people to fix our problems, but just love us through them.

Community

As we have been talking about community these past few weeks I want to point out that we need friends in our community. We are not created to be alone. God has friendships out there that are just what we need. But, as we have been talking about and learning as well, we need to be intentional to find and make them.

Even in looking at Jesus’s life, we see He picked His own people, and then made selections of the acquaintances that followed Him. He even chose 3 of His best friends to be His closest friends. It is ok for you to do the same.

Remember, pray for friendships, pray about those you let speak into your life and for those that may need you to speak into their lives. Don’t accept just anyone, pray about them. Pray for community.

You Are Christ’s Friends

Jesus wants you as His friend. Too often we may look at our relationship with Jesus as a Master/slave relationship. But I believe Jesus wants more than that for us.

John 15:9-17

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. 10 When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. 11 I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! 12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. 13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. 16 You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

Are you Christ’s friend? He says that if you are, you’ll do what He has commanded, and you will love one another. He has confided in us His Word and His love to share with the world. He chose us, we didn’t choose Him. 

And He has work for us to do with Him, He wants us to be His ride or die people. Are you?

Here’s a couple extra thoughts that didn’t make it into the message but I think are important reminders from Dunbar.

“Losing and gaining (friends) is largely a consequence of who you’re exposed to.”

“Don’t be fazed by loss of friends, because it’s an opportunity to go off and make new friends, which may turn out to be even better.”

Community: Living with One Another

Tuesday evening, April 3rd, we began a bible study video series called, “Find Your People” by Jennie Allen. The study is about making friends and community. Through it Jennie gives us biblical principles and tips on doing just this.

We began this series for a few reasons.

Loneliness is a major epidemic.

We were created by God for community.

Our heart with Innovate Church is to be a place of belonging, to create and be community together for those that feel they have no one, no community, no one that cares about them. The forgotten ones of the world.

So, along with this series, I wanted to look at what you may have heard as, “The One Another’s” of the Bible.

These are all the true relationship teachings of the Scriptures that help point us to being good friends, good family members, good community, and even good citizens of this world.

Being in community together, means doing these one another’s well.

Relationships with One Another

The word generally translated as “one another” is used 100 times in the New Testament.

47 of them are direct instructions to followers of Jesus.

Paul wrote 60% of them.

Relationships are hard for many of us. To be in a positive relationship with anyone means give and take. It means showing grace and love, and at times forgiving one another. If you can’t forgive someone then the relationship breaks down.

We must accept that we are all sinners and are going to hurt and be hurt, mostly unintentionally, and that we need to make sure we show each other grace and forgiveness when this happens.

If we want to find good relationships and great community:

WE have to be willing to make the first move! We go first!

That goes right along with Jesus’s command to do to others as we would have them do to us. You treat people how you want to be treated…it is an active command not reactive. 

So with that let us look at “the one anothers”…

The most well known is that we should love one another. In fact the command to love one another is found 16 times in the New Testament.

1 John 4:7,12 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

In Jesus’s commandment for us to love one another as He has loved us He says…

John 13:35 “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Jesus’s most well known trait was that He was loving. He was gentle and kind. As saved people we know He is forgiving.

Paul says..

Galatians 5:13 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

If the One we follow is known this way, then we who claim to follow Him should have the same reputation. 

Loving people is hard. Even in our nuclear families, you may have some who you have to choose to love right? When you throw together those family reunions, or maybe even the “church” gatherings, and introduce all kinds of different opinions and beliefs, how much harder is it to love each other then? 

As Jesus set the example of love, so are we to do as His followers.

The One Another’s

So let’s look at most of the One Another’s of the New Testament below beginning with what I call…

Relationship Builders

Love one another (John 13:34 – This command occurs at least 16 times)

 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 

Relationship Builders

Be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10) 

Love one another with brotherly affection. 

Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10)

Outdo one another in showing honor.

Live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16) 

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

Build up one another (Romans 14:19; 1 Thessalonians 5:11) 

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Be likeminded towards one another (Romans 15:5) 

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, 6 that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another (Romans 15:7) 

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Admonish one another (Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16) 

I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

Greet one another (Romans 16:16) 

Greet one another with a holy kiss

Care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25) 

that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

Serve one another (Galatians 5:13) 

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

Bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) 

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:2, 32; Colossians 3:13) 

Be patient with one another (Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13) 

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15, 25) 

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

Be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32) 

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:19) 

be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,

Submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21) 

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Clothe yourselves with humility towards one another (1 Peter 5:5) 

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Consider others better than yourselves (Philippians 2:3) 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Look to the interests of one another (Philippians 2:4) 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Comfort one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18) 

Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11) 

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Exhort one another (Hebrews 3:13) 

But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Stir up [provoke, stimulate] one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24) 

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Show hospitality to one another (1 Peter 4:9) 

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

Employ the gifts that God has given us for the benefit of one another (1 Peter 4:10) 

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:

Pray for one another (James 5:16) 

Confess your faults to one another (James 5:16)

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 

Be at peace with one another. (Mark 9:50)

be at peace with one another.

Wash one another’s feet (John 13:14)

you also ought to wash one another’s feet

Relationship Killers

Do not lie to one another (Colossians 3:9) 

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices

Stop passing judgment on one another (Romans 14:13) 

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.

If you keep on biting and devouring each other…you’ll be destroyed by each other (Galatians 5:15) 

But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other (Galatians 5:26) 

Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Do not slander one another (James 4:11) 

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge.

Don’t grumble against each other (James 5:9) (John 6:43)

Do not grumble among yourselves.

Community

We do all this because we are in a real sense “members of one another” (Romans 12:5; Ephesians 4:25)

so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

Listen to this from Jennie’s book. The idea here is living on purpose, making friends, making community on purpose.

“Why do we expect close friends to somehow appear in our busy lives? We think acquaintances should just magically produce our few best friends. Then our relational needs will be met. Back in the day, people found friends from their larger village of interconnected people. Think village life, small-town life, or agrarian life, or tribes.

People’s needs were met because of the way they lived: close. But because we see community as an accessory, not the essential fabric of life as our ancestors did by default, we are lonely. We are looking to plug a gaping hole. The hole is larger than a couple people could ever fill, and so we live constantly disappointed, and we further isolate ourselves. It’s time to break that cycle – on purpose.”

One of the best examples of community, with this village mentality Jennie mentions, is found in Acts 2. This describes the very beginning of the Church…the people not a building. A Community of believers living out the teachings of Jesus.

Acts 2:42-47

And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45 And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

This is community. 

If you’re like me you read this and begin throwing up the “yeah buts.”

“Yeah, but…I’m not sharing my ________________.”

“Yeah, but…I’m not selling my ________________.”

And this idea that “day by day” they came together.

It’s all a bit extreme right? But isn’t that what it would be like to live in a village together? A small place, where everyone knows everyone, and makes sure no one is without.

This, in my opinion, is Christian love for one another. The love Christ calls us to have for one another. He gave His all for us, and says we should be willing to do the same. But you and I aren’t being called to go to the Cross as He did. But we, myself included, won’t even give up the time it take to pick up the phone and call someone to check on them.

Most of us live busy lives. And I know that when I come home from work, I’m ready to relax, not deal with people. And that’s completely understandable for us all. But let us pray that we don’t get so involved in our own lives that we forget to invite others into our lives, and or involve ourselves in our neighbor’s lives. Everyone needs to know someone loves them…and not just family members.

The Kingdom is here and now, but it takes us bringing it into practice everyday. Purposely living it out, in community, together…digitally and physically.

If this content sounds like something you need, or if you are seeking a community to join online, please look us up at Innovate Church. There we have all the links and information on how you can join in community with us.

Books mentioned above are affiliate links to Amazon.

Are You Thirsty?

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Think back to a time where you have been really thirsty. I mean REALLY thirsty. Your mouth was completely parched. Tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth. You were to the point that you couldn’t talk clearly. You’d take anything you could to drink. Maybe not Bear Grylls kind of thirsty, but you might have been close to it.

When you’re that thirsty, how do you quench it? Usually when I am this thirsty I actually have a taste for something other than water. I drink water most of the time. But for some reason when I am really parched thirsty, I get this desire for something else. In the past it has been milk. Mind you I don’t generally ever drink milk unless it’s in cereal or my coffee. Yet, for some reason, there have been times when I’ve come into the house, extremely thirsty, and grab the milk container and guzzle down a cup. It’s been a while now that I’ve done that. Now I might down some chocolate milk…but who doesn’t like chocolate milk right?

Have you ever been so thirsty you’d drink just about anything?

What about your spiritual life? Have you been spiritually thirsty? Maybe even felt abandoned by God? Maybe you’ve experienced abandonment by others in the world, and feel as though God too has abandoned you. Maybe you’re missing something inside and you’re not even sure if it is God, if there is a God, or what. You only know you have this emptiness you want filled.

The story of the woman at the well may be familiar to many of us in the faith, but I believe it speaks to some of these feelings of thirst and spiritual dryness. It speaks to a thirst for something, for water, for God, for friendship, for community, for acceptance maybe. 

This story is about an interaction Jesus had with a woman. Not just any woman, a Samaritan woman. And if you don’t know what that means, the short end of it is, these were people the Jews absolutely disliked. They were considered halfbreeds, because they were a mixed people, Jewish and Gentiles, (goes back to Old Testament times). Along with the racial and thnic differences between them, they also had some differences in their religious thoughts/beliefs. They were both Jewish, but they had differences. Kind of like different denominations. Things that shouldn’t divide, yet they do.

Let’s read the full story found in John chapter 4:

John 4:7-26

A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” 8 (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) 10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” 11 The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” 13 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” 19 The woman said to him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship.” 21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. 24 God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” 25 The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” 26 Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.”

Avoiding Samaria

In the beginning of Chapter 4, John explains that Jesus had left the region of Judea and is heading to Galilee and John says Jesus “had” to go through Samaria.

The truth is, He didn’t “have” to, but it was indeed the shorter way to go. It is generally taught that Jews would prefer to go around Samaria than go through it. It’s like trying to go to Missippi from Georgia, you have to go through Alabama. To avoid going through Alabama we’d have to go through Tennessee. It would take a 2.5 day walking trip from Judea to Galilee and turn it into a week-long journey to go around Samaria. 

How many of us, when we travel somewhere, especially locally, avoid “those places” because of the “people” we’ve heard about that live there? Usually it’s due to a different ethnic or racial group if we’re honest, the low class, crime ridden, areas of your location. We’ve been told, “don’t get caught there at night,” right? Horror stories that probably have little truth to them.

Why Was She There?

Either way, Jesus was going through Samaria to get to Galilee. He stops to rest and for whatever reason, all of His disciples leave Him there at Jacob’s well alone to go get food. While there, this woman comes up to draw water from the well. John gives us the time of day just before this interaction is recorded…it is about noon time. It is nearing, if not already, the hottest time of the day. She was there at a time outside of the cultural norm, which would have been early morning. And she was alone.

Do You Wonder Why?

Have you ever read stories like this in the Bible and thought to yourself, “I wonder why?” This is one of those stories that should call us to wonder why. Why was she there alone? Why did she choose to go when she did? Why didn’t she go at the normal time when all the other women would have gone?

And then we read in this interaction with Jesus that she has had 5 husbands, and is now living with a man that wasn’t her husband. Then we think, “oh, that’s why.”

Is She Who We Think?

What do we then tend to think about her? She’s a sinner. She’s been married 5 times and left each marriage for another man? Then we put it together that she’s an outcast, and that is why she is alone. We almost justify it in our minds…”this is what she deserves.” We read into the text what our own presuppositions might be about a woman that’s been married 5 times. It’s her fault we jump to a conclusion about her. So we judge her right? We see Jesus’s Words to her as judging her, maybe, “He’s calling her out in her sinful ways.” 

I want to challenge us on how we read this story. Not to make it say something it doesn’t but to give us a new perspective that came to me about it the other day. You see, I’ve always read it the same as I have described too. But then it hit me, what if? What if she’s not the one to blame in her 5 marriages? What if she’s been the one that was hurt? She couldn’t find a man that would stay faithful to her. A man that would treat her as he should? (Women were property in those days as well). What if the men didn’t value her and only took her for what they could get out of her? What if she’s had 5 husbands and each of them passed away? Now she’s lonely. Alone. An outcast of the community because “something has to be wrong with her, right?” Who knows what stories the locals may have made up about her.

Placing Blame

Now put this same vision in your head about the last person you may have looked upon and judged their situation from the outside. What narrative did you add to their situation that might not have been the truth. How could you know the truth unless you knew the person? And maybe you needed to hear both sides of the story to discern “who’s to blame?”

What if Jesus’s words to her about being married and living with another guy, wasn’t a judgment but a recognition of her pain, her loneliness? What if He was truly being empathetic to her instead of calling her out for her misdeeds. 

He Offered Her His Gift

Another thing to note about this interaction is how did Jesus introduce Himself to her? He didn’t begin with what she had done wrong, or the reason she was there alone. He offered her a gift. He speaks to her thirst for water, but He tells her He has living water of which she would never thirst again. I am reminded of his meeting with Nicodemus, a high religious character he told “you must be born again” in chapter 3 of John. Poor old Nick took it literal and asked how that was possible. Jesus meant being reborn by God’s Holy Spirit. Here we see this woman do the same. She is thinking of the literal water that Jesus is offering her. “Sir, give me this water so I won’t be thirsty again.”

The Real Thirst Quencher

What if the real thirst she had, or the quencher she needed for that thirst was not water, but was love? Acceptance? Belonging? Whether she was to blame for her failed marriages or not, she had a deeper need.

What are you needing right now? Has someone or something made you an outcast? Are you unable to “fit in?” Do you lack acceptance? Belonging? Or maybe you just know there is an internal thirst that you need quenching. You need the water of life that Jesus offers.

God says in the last chapter of Revelation, “To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life.” This is the water Jesus is offering. Not only His salvation, but also His acceptance, adopting us as His own through our faith in Him. Giving us a belonging to His own family.

I’m reminded of the old Gatorade commercials, as disturbing as they might have been, but as they had advertised themselves as the “thirst quencher” they ask the question, “Is it in you?”

So I ask you, is the Holy Spirit, the water of life, the cleansing waters of God’s Holy Spirit in you? Do you want it if not? He’ll end that thirst for you right here and now. It’s not something you can earn.

Notice Jesus didn’t tell the Samaritan Woman, “go, fix your life, then come back and I will give you the water you seek.” No, He told her He is the source of that living water, and if she’d ask, He’d give it to her.

Do you want that living water? Do you want that missing part of you to be filled? If you do, pray and ask God to fill it for you. Trust in the work of Jesus Christ on the Cross to provide for you a way to be made right with the Father, by faith not works, and ask Him to give you His Holy Spirit, to live within you from now until eternity.

A Challenge

I leave you with a challenge, whether you are currently a believer or unbeliever. Remember to see through the outward appearance of situations and look for the real need they might have. Whether this woman was the sinner we generally behold her as, or if she was simply the victim of a hard life. She needed love. She needed acceptance. She truly needed a community to belong to. And that is the calling of the Church. To share God’s love to the deserving and undeserving alike. The truth is we are all undeserving, yet God so loved each one of us that He offers us His living water, through Jesus.